Some of us can see the red flags but choose to ignore them.
I often ignored the red flags in my relationship just because of the fear of losing the companionship I shared with my partner. There were even times when I normalized the toxicity of my relationship.
However, when I took a step back, I regretted staying in it for this long. Here are a few signs that helped me realize the truth of my relationship:
I spent more time fighting with my partner than being happy together. Though the reasons for our disagreements were silly, at that time the issues seemed huge. I was afraid to speak my mind, and my ex's reactions made me constanly nervous and worried about the next big argument.
I could never open up to my partner. I shut myself away whenever there was a problem because I never felt they would even try to understand me. Moreover, I did not want my honesty to cause them anger, pain, or sadness. So, I buried it all inside. And when I did express myself, their reactions were often so overwhelming that I learned to put them first before my own needs or feelings.
Despite doing no wrong, I apologized. I told them I was sorry for causing them pain even when it was them who hey hurt me. I was so afraid of losing them that I bore the brunt of our relationship for so long. Not once did they accept they were wrong; it was all made about me being "too sensitive or emotional" at times or "too aloof and uncaring" other times.
I was never myself in my relationship. I tried to become someone my partner appreciated and wanted. Even when I tried to express my emotions, opinions, and choices, I was made to doubt myself or mocked by my ex. Their criticisms often left me feeling small and worthless. I undervalued myself.
I was a cheerful person—full of life. My friends and family loved my energy and smile. They told me my presence could be felt from afar. Unfortunately, everything changed after I began my relationship with my ex. I could no longer smile from my heart, and my disturbed mind made it impossible for me to make conversations freely. My family noticed my constant mood swings and my lack of zest for life. They began to worry that my relationship was impacting me, although not all of them told me openly at that time.
My ex was never straightforward about anything. They played with my emotions and messed my head to their advantage. They were often passive agressive and got their way by guilt tripping me into agreeing with them.
My ex behaved in such a manner that I lost all my confidence and self-worth. I felt like a horrible person because I thought I was the reason our relationship was falling apart. I blamed myself and often questioned my self-worth. Because of them, I doubt if I can ever be good enough to be loved for who I am.
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