There are a few essential questions everyone needs to ask themselves before deciding to get married.
Marriage is a huge step to take in a relationship. It involves not only emotional investment but financial as well. Being in love with someone is just the first step before taking the relationship to the next level. It needs a more practical approach to see if you and your partner can commit to a relationship like that. Marriage is not just the union of you and your partner. Your families come together as well, and then, you go on to start a family of your own by bringing children into this world. So taking time to think about this major life-changing decision should be a no-brainer.
There are a few essential questions everyone needs to ask themselves to get clarity about why they want to get married and why to this one person. Being honest with ourselves about these answers can save us from years of heartbreak and stress. If you are currently married, use this checklist to evaluate how you feel about your married life. If the answers are worrisome, you can take stock and do something to change your marriage and/or quality of your life.
No relationship is a walk in the park. Every relationship you build needs work. You can't just throw it away like you would objects that do not "spark joy." But at the end of the day, the labor must reap positive results. For both you and your partner. The other person must be worth the effort you are putting in. Are they worth the pain? Would they put in the same effort for you? If the answer is yes, then no doubt the relationship will bring you both a lot of joy.
While being in the here and now, appreciating the present is great, you must also think of the future. Particularly if you see yourself with your partner in the future. How you treat each other now is a blueprint for what it would be like in the future as well. Do you two see eye to eye when it comes to things like religion, ideology, money matters, marriage, and having kids? These are important things to discuss to see if you are headed in the same direction or not. If you are willing to make compromises and are more or less on the same path, you are right on track. But you do not want to make decisions now that will make you regret it in the future.
Are you their girlfriend or mother? Are you taking care of a grown man who has replaced their mom with you? Or are you just there to warm their bed? Will your partner outgrow this phase? If you are living with them, how are they as a roommate? Do you have to clean up after them or do you share household chores? You may think this will get better with age but it most likely won't. You could sit them down and talk about your expectations and hope they love you enough to change for the better.
You may be attracted to your partner physically but that cannot be the cornerstone of your relationship. While it is an important type of attraction to have, it needs to be coupled with emotional and romantic attraction as well. Without an emotional connection and a romantic attraction, your relationship may not last long. Similarly, if the physical attraction has hit rockbottom, you need to be honest about this as well. Do you want to continue feeling less to no passion or do you want to do something to recreate the chemistry?
Many times it is easy to lose yourself in a relationship. Your interests and your partner's interests get mixed up and you may find yourself doing all the things that your partner wants. You hardly do the things you want to. Your self-sacrifice may not feel like much of a burden now but you may come to regret and even hold it against your partner in the future. You have to take into consideration that you get to be the best version of yourself in the relationship and not the version that best suits your partner.
Being in a relationship means you spend a lot of time with each other. Being married means you will be around each other all the time. If you can't find ways to have fun together you may get sick of each other. Do you already have fun rituals that are working to keep the spark in your relationship alive? Will it be enough for after the marriage as well? But what about when your partner is busy? Can you find ways to keep yourself busy and entertained that will not require your partner to be there with you?
There has to be giving and taking in the relationship. You can't be expected to do all the labor, emotional and otherwise, while your partner does not lift a finger. Does your partner consider you an equal? Are you bending over backward to keep them happy in this relationship? Do you get the respect you give?
When you get married, you will be with the other person for better or for worse. There will be ups and downs in the relationship. Will you and your partner be able to be there for each other during the lows the same way you celebrate the highs? The support is not just emotional but also financial in case one of you loses a job. You want the best for your partner, but can you be sure that they will support you in all your endeavors as well?
You can't have a happy marriage if you don't trust each other. If your partner has cheated in the past, how can you be sure they won't do it again? There will be higher stakes after marriage. Financially, can you trust that your partner will not deplete your resources? Will they make a good parent? Can you trust them to not discuss your relationship with a lot of people?
This may be a very important question to ask yourself. Why are you with the person you are planning to marry? Do you love each other and truly care for each other? Or is it because you did not have a choice and did not want to be by yourself? Is it the financial support you get from them or just for the sex?
Only you will be able to find the best answers to these questions. Listen to your gut and see if you really want to go through with it.