To My Toxic Ex-Partner, Because Of You, I Had To Learn Some Tough Lessons | But Now, I Will NOT Settle For Less

To My Toxic Ex-Partner, Because Of You, I Had To Learn Some Tough Lessons | But Now, I Will NOT Settle For Less

I've done enough and I've had enough too. Now, the person I'm going to be most concerned about it me and not let anyone try to turn me into a hollow follower.

To the toxic person was who once an important part of my life,

I truly did love you. I fell for your charm, your wit, the way you made me laugh, and all the little things you did that seemed small but meant a great deal to me. In fact, I was so enamored by it that I didn't see what you were hiding until it was too late. Every time you said something demeaning, I brushed it off because I thought you just wanted the best for me. I felt guilty because I thought I was to blame for things I now realize were never my fault. I let you dismiss my emotions and fears as small because I believed you when you said I was overreacting.

I allowed you to do all this and more because I loved you and thought these were normal. After all, you had shown me your affection and adoration before. But soon, the bad started outweighing the good. It finally got too much and I decided it was time to stop. It hurt me to leave as I had given you my everything and you just trampled all over it. I did it though. And once I was on my own again, I recognized the lessons I learned from being with you. 

Lesson #1: Trust my gut

Every time that my gut told me that something was wrong with the way you were treating me, I dismissed it as easily as you did my emotions. Now, I know better than to ignore the feeling that protects me from being hurt.

Lesson #2: Listen to my loved ones

Source: Getty Images | Photo by Justin Case


I slowly stopped talking to my friends and family because you always found something wrong with them. I started withdrawing even more when they saw through your ruse and told me about it. I just thought they didn't want me to be happy and were making stuff up about you. Only after I left your clutches did I realize they wanted the opposite for me and only had my best interests at heart. 

Lesson #3: Never ignore the red flags

These were several red flags that would be drowned out by the good things you did... at first at least. But the more I ignored them, the bigger they got until I saw were glaring, humongous red flags that hovered over me. And for a long time, I couldn't get out from under them until I sucked up the courage to leave you. You taught me never to ignore those signs. 

Lesson #4: Don't expect anyone to change

Once I figured out what you were doing to me, I tried to change you. That was my mistake. I wanted our relationship to work but your toxicity made it hard for me to keep giving myself to you. It's why when I left, I realized that I can't expect you to change when you don't want to do it yourself. I just wanted us to weather the storm when I really should have just run when I saw the signs. 

Lesson #5: I need to put myself first

Source: Getty Images | Photo by Manuel Tauber-Romieri


In being with you, you became my everything. I would drop everything to cater to you, no matter how unreasonable the request. I let myself become your shadow and engulf my individuality just because I believed that love and commitment meant compromise. Instead, you just sucked the life out of me and it took its toll, both physically and emotionally, on me. Now, on my own, I can see who I used to be and I remember the strength that I have in me to be unashamedly myself. I'm never letting anyone else take that away from me. 

Lesson #6: I need to set boundaries

No more of you telling me what I can and cannot do for myself or for others. I followed your lead for too long and all it got me was my feelings, opinions and intelligence disrespected. If I want to protect myself from being hurt again, my relationships need to have boundaries. 

Lesson #7: Forgiving myself is important

For too long I blamed myself for the way the relationship was drowning or for your shortcomings. Then when I left you, I blamed myself for not doing it sooner and for pushing away the people who genuinely loved me. I berated myself over and over for it. But over time, I started to understand that it wasn't like I did it on purpose. I took a risk and it didn't pan out. So I slowly forgave myself for being with you and appreciated these lessons I learned along the way. 

Lesson #8: Be confident about my worth

Source: Getty Images | Photo by Oliver Rossi


You let me think I was beneath you the entire time. I sold myself short because of it and I made the mistake of putting you on a pedestal to be worshipped when I should have actually stood my ground and not let you belittle my worth as a person. I worked hard to become who I was and you methodically chipped that away until I couldn't remember my own personality before you. But now, I'm starting to learn more about myself again. And I know my worth. It might take me some more time to be more confident about it but that doesn't mean I'm going to let anyone, especially someone like you, snatch that away. 

These lessons were all learned the hard way but I'm grateful for it. It means that I know what not to accept in a relationship and to fight for what I want. I'm never settling for less again. I know I deserve better. 

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